Welcome back to Rapeland, Yashika! 3 April 2014

175,000 signatures and counting,
thousands of people up in arms, hundreds
on the streets, a headmistress who is either
gullible or cynical, two MPs who might
benefi t by looking up Mauritius on the
world map, wannabe-celebrities who have
found a great opportunity to achieve their
dream and a government which fought
hard to resist pressure, the Yashika Bageerathi
polemic is a phenomenon which the
human mind cannot explain.
Here’s the story which hundreds of
thousands of people bought into. The girl
ran away from Rapeland and sought protection
from the UK authorities as she had
been threatened with rape and the rapistscum-
drug addicts were waiting for her at
the airport to rape her as soon as she got
back. This science fi ction scenario takes
place – believe it or not – in Mauritius and
this is the story which has been unblinkingly
strewn all over the place, including
the broadsheets.
Worried about the image this cockand-
bull story gave of Mauritius? Relax!
It is not that bad, actually, thank you Yashika.
We have been portrayed as an island
where our rapists are not the beasts they
tend to be in other countries. Over there,
they pounce on innocent, unsuspecting
people, drag them somewhere by force and
commit their hideous crime. Here, our
rapists are choosy and civilised. They fi rst
spotted little Yashika but let her off with a
threat of rape. Then they gave her a chance
to go and sort out a visa and book a plane
ticket to the UK. This kind-hearted gesture
must have been highly appreciated by
the girl as she reciprocated by giving them
a chance too: not a single entry at the police
station and not a word to her relatives. I
mean one has to have a sense of fair play
in all circumstances, you know? Once the
girl got away, the rapists started camping
at the airport, observing an act of abstinence
rapists in other countries could learn
from. Their only hope was that the cruel
British one day abandon the girl to her fate.
It is perhaps worth mentioning that,
because these rapists set up camp at the
airport, the government has secretly built
another airport. So, while the bad guys are
waiting for their prey at the old terminal,
women of all ages, shapes and sizes have
been safely landing in this country and
taking off. So, when Yashika landed back
in Rapeland this morning, the dangerous
outlaws did not even see her as they were
wasting their time at the wrong airport.
175,000 signatures?! I honestly suggest
a little course in geopolitics so that
the energy of the signatories is diverted
towards the thousands of genuine asylum
seekers from Sri Lanka, the Congo, the
Central African Republic, Syria etc. who
would never be able to secure the kind of
publicity Yashika is getting because their
stories lack the Hollywood ingredients
that she offered, sprinkled with a large
dose of strong spices: a rather average
pupil here, according to those of her
teachers who remember her, she was depicted
as an exceptionally bright ‘straight
As’ pupil who has had a clutch of offers
from top universities!
Well, damn it Mauritius! Look at the
positive side: we now have a brand new
airport and our average students are
beating the best pupils in the UK to
top universities!
In the meantime, please join me in
welcoming Yashika back to Rapeland and
shhhh! Don’t let the rapists in on this. Let
them continue waiting at the old terminal.
Everybody is safe that way.
weekly@lasentinelle.mu